from time to time we hear snippets of “deep stuff” in the movies.

one of my favorite was from Demolition Man where wesley snipes’ character told someone that you can’t deny an individual the right to be an a–hole.  this is pretty deep.  because it is actually a variant of that you can’t really deny the individual the right to choose.

another of my favorites was from another movie, whose title escapes me, but it notes that – at the end of our lives the only thing we have are the choices we made along the way.

more deep stuff here.  in general, we choose.  more specifically, we choose to be victims or we choose to be successful.  we choose burger king or wendy’s or mcdonalds.

so while a 5′ individual can’t choose to be a great basketball player, since it’s not realistically an option, he/she might be a great basketball coach!

if we so determine and realize, we really do choose.  this follows from the axiom that i think, therefore i am.

as noted below, it is very difficult to overcome years of abuse and/or any debilitating mental/physical illness.

 

“desperately wanted?” Was this expressed?

This attitude or position blames parents for one’s unhappiness. I have a daughter who has used this from time to time so I have thought about it a lot. I finally told her that I was an imperfect parent, as all parents are. If her unhappiness was due to me, then that came from my unhappiness due to my parents, and that came from their unhappiness due to their parents. That is unending and it does no good excepting if it provides motivation to be a better parent, becoming a better parent than ancestors have been.

That said, feelings are always valid. But negative feelings are useful only if they provide motivation to improve one’s self. A day or two ago I noted that one of Peter McWilliams’ books is You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought.

Be responsible for your choices, actions and results. Any position short of that is to remain a child.

Mo Gene

>  . . . and then remain on it — while ALWAYS being true to ourselves — regardless of where that path may lead. Our schools and churches and sports programs and military are far too much about conformity — always putting the interests of others ahead of our own. If one grows up with alcoholic parents or guardians, these misguided notions are reinforced all the more . . . as a child quickly learns their ONLY shot at happiness is if they “make” the adults in their life happy first. This leads to all forms of neurotic people-pleasing behaviors and can manifest in the ultimate curse of only being able to see themselves (or get a glimpse of their inherent and unlimited value)
> through the eyes of others.
> ==========
> To break with this lifetime of indoctrination and coercion takes real courage and faith enough in oneself to know you will land on both feet . . . and that you WILL prevail come what may. Those are NOT easy confidences to gather together by yourself — especially when it seems that everyone else you know is against it. I’ve been discouraged in my own life by how incredibly l-o-n-g this process took. I wanted a good life MORE than I’ve ever wanted anything and, even then, it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I had lived enough, read enough, learned enough to know by then that the way I had been doing things prior to that simply wasn’t working for me anymore (I now question if it ever did). It was long past TIME for a paradigm shift. So, surely, luck/chance and circumstance weigh in on this . . . many feel trapped . . . most of them never do find a way out.
> ==========
> But it serves no purpose to blame the victim for their circumstance. As with ‘battered wife syndrome’ people can quickly get so beaten down by their circumstances that they no longer see their unlimited options that SOME of the rest of us see so clearly. And honestly? It may be too late for most of them. Our resources may be better spent encouraging young people to feel so good about themselves that they would NEVER let ANYONE treat them poorly — not even for a single day. But even this is nearly impossible for parents/teachers/coaches/military instructors who have never known the power and energy which comes with feeling good about themselves — who have never sung (with feeling), “I’ve found a new best friend and it’s me!”

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