Sails===”But it serves no purpose to blame the victim for their circumstance.”

An insightful post Sail.

The more I think I understand the less I am willing to “blame” anyone for their actions. IMO we are all doing the very best we can to get along in the world.

Certain individuals have to be segregated from the rest of us because the way they have learned to get along is toxic to others. However, punishment is an outmoded concept useful as justification for a system that is unwilling to devote resources and caring to rehabilitation for those whom could benefit from it.

Ben

— In LittleHouses@yahoogroups.com, sail4free wrote:
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> MO GENE: “You can be in charge of your life or you can let others.
>
> It’s a choice.”
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> While not wanting to get too selfish about it, I think happiness can be measured by how consistently one is able to orchestrate their life in harmoney with who they really are. I doubt many of us got the encouragement we so desperately wanted and needed to find our own path . . . and then remain on it — while ALWAYS being true to ourselves — regardless of where that path may lead. Our schools and churches and sports programs and military are far too much about conformity — always putting the interests of others ahead of our own. If one grows up with alcoholic parents or guardians, these misguided notions are reinforced all the more . . . as a child quickly learns their ONLY shot at happiness is if they “make” the adults in their life happy first. This leads to all forms of neurotic people-pleasing behaviors and can manifest in the ultimate curse of only being able to see themselves (or get a glimpse of their inherent and unlimited value)
> through the eyes of others.
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> To break with this lifetime of indoctrination and coercion takes real courage and faith enough in oneself to know you will land on both feet . . . and that you WILL prevail come what may. Those are NOT easy confidences to gather together by yourself — especially when it seems that everyone else you know is against it. I’ve been discouraged in my own life by how incredibly l-o-n-g this process took. I wanted a good life MORE than I’ve ever wanted anything and, even then, it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I had lived enough, read enough, learned enough to know by then that the way I had been doing things prior to that simply wasn’t working for me anymore (I now question if it ever did). It was long past TIME for a paradigm shift. So, surely, luck/chance and circumstance weigh in on this . . . many feel trapped . . . most of them never do find a way out.
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> But it serves no purpose to blame the victim for their circumstance. As with ‘battered wife syndrome’ people can quickly get so beaten down by their circumstances that they no longer see their unlimited options that SOME of the rest of us see so clearly. And honestly? It may be too late for most of them. Our resources may be better spent encouraging young people to feel so good about themselves that they would NEVER let ANYONE treat them poorly — not even for a single day. But even this is nearly impossible for parents/teachers/coaches/military instructors who have never known the power and energy which comes with feeling good about themselves — who have never sung (with feeling), “I’ve found a new best friend and it’s me!”
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